Dec 03 2010-1

One week without you is like one moment without air, like one day without food and a week without water.

One week without you is like a month without sunshine or shelter.

One week without your voice is like a year without the sound of music, or birds, or rain and thunder.

One week without you is a week without sleep, for my heart knows no rest, and my nights give no peace.

One week without your love and my days are empty of beauty;

One week without speaking with you is like years alone in the wilderness or a deserted island; I may talk with people on the streets, my soul has no communion.

One week without you is like years in a prison; my soul knows no freedom.

One week without you in my life is like no life at all!

Dec 02 2010-2

Every morning I wake up and there is a pain that shoots through my heart. The thought that I have to spend another day without you rips my soul apart. 

Every night, I sit here in sorrow, wishing I could hold you.

You are the only one that ever made me so happy. No one could ever take your place. I feel as if my soul has stolen my heart and left me to cry myself to sleep each and every night with guilt in my heart of how I hurt you.

I know sorry is just a word, but I am so SORRY for hurting you,

I beg with every millimeter of my soul : please forgive me!

Dec 02 2010-1

Loving you is the greatest thing in my life and I could never imagine how much loving someone can feels good. I could never see it as something enjoyable until you left me. But now, the truth is, I can not love someone else anymore. I can not give a piece of my heart to anyone else, when my heart broke, you took the biggest piece with yourself and now, it’s an incomplete broken heart.

No one can heal it; nothing can heal it, except you because you are having the missing piece.

You can not send the missing piece to my address, because it needs some magical glue which comes from your heart.

In the last 6 years, we shared too many moments with each other and it’s my only history of love. You are my only picture of love, and I can not, I can not forget these years and put them behind.

Because this is the history I will never forget and I will never be able to start over with someone else.

Death is for someone like me. Death is like going to heaven. Because now that I know being in this world won’t bring you back to me, maybe going to another world that I even don’t know if it exist, can help me to find you. Maybe dying will help me to fly to you, to your home, to your bed and caress your face like what I always imagined I would love to do in my dreams.

Maybe one day, you would feel something is caressing your face, maybe one day, my love would pass all of the filters and walls you made and would reach to your heart… then, I would say

I LOVE YOU ANDREW, FOR ALL OF MY LIFE AND AFTER I DIES, I LOVED YOU AND WILL LOVE YOU…

Baby, the truth is, every day, every second I am praying and begging God, you come back to me, and tell me that meaningful sentence that you said too many times before, but I never understood its meaning…

That, you love me too and you would never leave me again…

I think I will die of happiness at that moment.

Dec 01 2010-2

Missing you, Loving you, Needing you, Wanting you...

All I can feel, All I desire for.. 

Since you left, I could never laugh again,

Since you left, all colors turned into black,

Since you left, my tears are all over on my face,

Since you left, I can't leave my home. Because I don't have a reason for coming back home...

you are not there, waiting for me anymore,and knowing this is killing me...

Dec 01 2010-1

How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave me?

We shared tears, pain and happiness...

You're the only one who really knew me at all. I wish I could just make you turn around and see me cry. There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why you're the only one who really knew me at all, But you're gone...

Come back to me, Please come back to me just ONE MORE TIME...

Nov 30 2010-2

My  Love,

The fifth day! Without you....

I can't begin to say how much it hurts. All I can do is crying. 

Crying out loud... Keep calling your name out, keep begging GOD to make you miss me just, just one more time, miss me enough to contact me.

I am a crazy girl now. I hug RED, and dance with him!!!!!! I still am waiting for him to turn into YOU and I see you are smiling at me again. I never knew how precious that smile was until

I lost it...

Baby,

When you are reading this, You won't be able to ask me how I was feeling these days.

I feel my heart is destroyed. Like someone is walking on it. I feel breathing is the hardest thing I can do. I feel I am dead.

I am so sorry for every moment I could share with you but I stupidly lost them for nothing.

I wish, I wish one time, before my death, before my body say good bye to this world, I wish just for one time, I could share a short loving moment with you. just for one more time...

And my baby,

Even if you don't share that moment with me, Just Know for the rest of your life, 

Wherever I am, dead or alive, my heart will be for you, and ONLY you.

Nov 30 2010-1

I'm staring at your picture now,

Touching your lips, your nose, your eyes, your cheeks with the tip of my finger, 

Trying to imagine hearing your voice, trying to imagine telling you how much I LOVE YOU, 

Trying to make you understand that I will die without you,

Ask you to please LOVE me one more time,

Beg you to come back to me,

Crying again and again,

But

I am still here,

Alone,

In the darkness and emptiness, 

And you; I don't know, Maybe happy for breaking my heart...