Feb 02 2010-Happy Anniversary

THE 6TH ANNIVERSARY!

Happy anniversary sweetheart

I am alone, but my heart is so in love with you.

I am celebrating today with you in my dreams. I am hugging you, kissing you, dancing with you and walking with you in the midnight on the beach.

We are making love with so much passion, happiness and excitement.

And then, we fall asleep when our hearts touch each other one more time…

Happy Anniversary my world,

Even if I am not in your world anymore,

I still am in love with you, I still adore you and I still live with you in every single dream I have.

Dec 26 2010

I'M MISSING YOU SO MUCH AND IT'S EXTREMELY SAD THAT YOU DON'T MISS ME AT ALL!

Merry Christmas (2010)

Why can't the time slow down when I am with you,
why can't it go fast when I am without you

*****

Merry Christmas my baby

You probably had some of your new and old friends! Calling you and saying this sentence to you, but since you will never answer my call, because you don’t even see me as an old friend, I only can say this here. In a page that one day, you will read it.

Every second of my days are passing this the thought of what you are doing at the moment, what you are eating, what movie you are watching, who you are spending your time with, if you are smiling, if you miss me, if you care what I am doing at all or not and … thousand of unanswered questions.

Today I don’t want to complain. I know when you are reading these lines; you won’t care what I am going through, how much I miss you and what I really would die to have…

I always thought we would grow old together.

I always thought we would be much happier than most people because we will have so many days to celebrate. We will have your celebration days and mine with each other.

I always thought what I would do for the Christmas day for you to make that day a happy an important day for you. But now, with each tear falling on my face, those happy days are fading away.

I will never be able to tolerate seeing you holding another woman’s hand, hugging her and kissing her… because I would never believe your heart will say:” I LOVE YOU” to someone else… but, now, with knowing this dark truth that  you will have this day soon, I want to with a nice happy life for you. I want to say I am sorry that I won’t be here to see your smile one more time. I am sorry that I can not stay alive to make money for you and make your life easier. I am sorry that I can not live without you.

I found my miracle and the man of my dream when I found you. That was why I accepted to live in this world and now, without you, what reason can I have to waste more air?

Merry Christmas Andrew 

For now and for all years that i won't be able to say it to you.

Dec 23 2010

Today when My phone rang and I saw an unknown number, My heart started beating faster!

I thought it was YOU, but I was wrong, when I called you and no one answered me!

It seems loneliness is a part my life. I was thinking of those happy moments that I had with you a long time ago, now, they all seems like a sweet dream.  I can't believe one day they actually happened.

Every time  you left me alone, in my pain, I let my mind bring me to the world that I wanted to be in with you. I let my mind to fly to the heaven that I wanted to build with you. I wanted to fly to you, to your home and caress your face when you are sleeping... and I always ask myself if you would feel me then or if you would have a dream about me then....

The Truth is, I always wanted you even when you were cursing me and breaking my heart, I still anted you but now, I don't want you in that way. I was able to go through everything because of the love that I was receiving and what I will have without you, except a cold man who doesn't want to even spend one second with me?

I love you Andrew, And one day, you will find this page and you will maybe , just maybe feel my loneliness without you. maybe you will know why I don't want to live for someone else... my whole world was made becasue of you... without you I was not alive... 

and now, I don't want to be alive without you...

Loneliness is darkness
A never-ending night.
Even though the black won't go away,
You'll never fall asleep.
Because loneliness sparks a fear
And unlike other nightmares
Awakening will not vanish it;

For the darkness is too strong
To allow any rest.
It makes memories into ghosts
And dreams into spirits.
Too vague to remember
Too important to forget.

Dec 22 2010-2

I miss you terribly

I am lost and restless

In all of my life everyone I had loved had left me. 

With you, I was so confident.

So secure in the thought of forever.

You were my home and now, 

i am walking in the streets of loneliness, 

and with each step, I look around maybe I can find you somewhere, 

but you are not there

And I am again, missing you, 

wishing for a miracle that may never happen….