Jun 09 2011
The only thing I have from happiness in this world is my NAME!
When I saw how badly you are trying to leave me, my heart broke again.
My heart asked me why Shaadi, why? He doesn’t love you. Let him go.
And I did it. I can’t lie to myself anymore. You just don’t love me. I am in one side relationship again. I am in love with someone who hates me. How painful that is.
Every word you were saying today was like a knife going directly into my heart. The only thing I could see, I could hear, I could feel was your hate.
I am sorry baby, I am sorry for forcing you to stay with me. I am sorry for always believing that you loved me and you really wanted me. You told me how much peace you are having without me. I know it is so easy for you to find someone else and you said everyone else is better than me for you!
When you can say something like that, this only means you hate me with all of your heart.
I can’t stay more baby. The truth is, I can not let you fail in hating me again. I cannot sit here and see how badly you want to leave me again. I am dead… I want to die. Without you, nothing means anything to me in this world. Without you, without your love, my world is a very empty cold world.
In one month is my birthday and like last year I have to tolerate it without you. You might forget that day as my birthday when you are with another woman. You might don’t even care or maybe even think I am with someone else…
But I won’t do anything. I will go to the mountain, the place that I wished for you the very first time. I will spend that day there, I will celebrate it alone with your dreams and I will wish for you to smile even when I am crying.
For almost 28 years, tears were my only friends. The only ones that never left me, the only ones that stayed with me for all of my life and the only ones that kept me warm when everybody else was cold…
Just know, the day you read this page, I won’t be here for you anymore. I won’t exist anymore. I will remove myself from this world so never bother you ever again.
And please never forget, until the last breath I take, I am so in love with you and I will never make any mistake to even try to replace you. My heart is only yours and will stay yours even if you left it a long time ago. I never wanted to hurt you, to talk bad with you and to bother you. I wish for one time, just one time more, you would open your heart for me again; maybe then everything could start growing again.
But you think I don’t deserve it…I love you Andrew, and I will die in loving you…
